Self-Care

Hi Sunshine 🙂

Last week, I hit the milestone of entering my third decade of life. I don’t know how time goes by so fast in the big scheme of things… but sometimes feels like it’s dragging as I go through my daily motions. If you didn’t know, I LOVE birthdays. I think everyone deserves to feel celebrated and loved, and honestly… I think making it through another year is a big feat. This year for my birthday, my parents came to visit. We explored some local areas that my brother and his wife are considering moving to, where I am considering moving to, and ended up having this AMAZING, unexpected three-course meal as a part of restaurant week. I love having them here. I wish they were closer and we could do family nights more often. But them coming to visit made my birthday that much more special. And a whole weekend event, which lets be honest, is right up my alley. But I digress.

Turning 30 has put me into this serious ‘reflection’ mode. My heart is so full knowing how far I have come in the past 30 years. But at the same time, the biggest question I ask myself is, ‘Who am I’ / ‘Who do I want to be?’

I think the answer to these questions changes daily. But, lately, one thing is always constant. I am a kind, albeit short, remarkable African American woman who is beautiful inside and out.

This makes me happy.

Because, for most of my life, I think I have wanted to be what others have wanted me to be. This is no fault to anyone but myself, as I have an inherent desire to want to please basically everyone I meet. I’m working on this. As I recently realized, it is more important to make sure I am pleasing myself too.

My biggest regret over the past 30 years is not embracing who I am so proud to be today. Especially in my identity as a black woman.

Growing up, I took pride in the microaggressions that were constantly thrown at me. My classmates, the kids I so desperately wanted to be like, telling me I didn’t count as black. That I was an ‘Oreo.’ That they were happy to find me when the lights went off. The list goes on. But what sickens me is how I graciously accepted these ‘compliments,’ as if who I was, as a black girl, was nothing short of being celebrated.

When I went to college, my lens started to change. I started to see more of the beauty in how other cultures were celebrated. It excited me to really take a step back and realize there there is quite literally a whole wide world out there just waiting to be explored. And then I moved to Northern Virginia. Which was so meant to be, you couldn’t tell me otherwise.

Flash forward to today. For the first time in my life, I have never felt so proud of my differences. I have colleagues, friends, and even people in leadership positions in my workplaces who look like me. Who are proud to look like me. Who are doing so many amazing things for the BIPOC community. At times, I feel intimidated. Like I am not good enough, or confident enough, to be a part of a community so much bigger than myself. I wish I could be like them. So, in these moments, I pinch myself, talk to a friend, and realize what a blessing it is to simply be, ‘me.’

Everyone laughs when I tell them I’m excited to be 30. I tell them it excites me because I am happy to have an excuse to go to bed at 8:30 without question. Which is true.

But what excites me the most? Is knowing I am entering a decade in which I am learning to embrace differences and love myself for who I am. Feeling proud of my culture and where I come from. Truly evaluating if something is bringing me joy, while at the same time helping me to be my best self. A decade that is hopefully full of goodness and the smile that I know I was blessed with for a reason.

Oh and having babies. But that’s a story for a different day. 🙂